Palabras, malditas palabras…

Estoy en algún rincón perdido de la sierra de Aracena donde no tengo cobertura, ni vecinos. Solo una gata muy cariñosa me da compaña con un ronroneo que, sin necesidad de hablar, ya me expresa lo a gusto que está. Igual que la casa donde me he instalado que, nada más llegar, me ha transmitido con su energía la buena decisión que he tomado viniéndome aquí unos días en los que, por fin, las palabras no me van a quitar el sueño.

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Ayer mismo recibí una llamada de una amiga que, tarde o temprano, esperaba y que, después de varias semanas sin contacto, ha decidido pedirme perdón, por algo que pasó entre nosotros, y decirme “lo gran persona que soy”, “el papel tan importante” que ocupo en su vida, la de “valores que tengo”… Bla, bla, bla… Porque mientras la escuchaba no dejaba de preguntarme… ¿Me lo demostrarás todo eso? ¿Será cierto que me quieres tanto o son tus halagos una forma de aliviar tu conciencia?
Puedo realizar todas estas afirmaciones ahora porque la de las PALABRAS es una lección que he aprendido muy bien en los últimos tiempos durante los que, a una persona concreta, he herido verbalizando una serie de cosas que no solo no sentía –y que ni por asomo merecía- sino que estaban en el lado totalmente opuesto de lo que quería expresar. Es más, cada vez que me ha pasado era consciente de que metía la pata pero… el daño ya estaba hecho. El lenguaje, que siempre ha formado parte de mí, se me ha ido de las manos.
Claro que no soy el único. Los negocios con sus publicidades, las letras pequeñas de los contratos, los discursos de los políticos, las declaraciones de amor eterno… Todo hay que valorarlo en su justa medida y saber leer entre líneas porque, ¿quién no ha rechazado algo que le apetecía hacer cuando el cuerpo realmente te pedía aceptarlo? ¿Quién no ha prometido algo sabiendo que no iba a poderlo cumplir? ¿Quién no ha negado sentimientos por los todopoderosos miedos?
Ojalá tuviera el poder de echar el tiempo a andar atrás para rectificar. Imposible. Pero sí puedo compensar con una pócima de hechos, paciencia y constancia que pienso utilizar para curar esas heridas de las que no me siento orgulloso. Será ahora, o dentro de un tiempo pero no pienso irme de este mundo sin saldar todas mis cuentas, entre otras razones, porque es la única manera para estar en paz con la vida.
Ya no quiero más “lo siento”, ni más “te quiero”, ni más “te odio” ni más nada que no sean realidades que me conduzcan a un futuro donde la COHERENCIA brille con luz propia. Y cada uno que se aplique este cuento como mejor le venga…

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